{"id":71,"date":"2011-02-15T23:27:20","date_gmt":"2011-02-15T23:27:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/findingpepe.com\/?p=71"},"modified":"2021-01-21T15:49:54","modified_gmt":"2021-01-21T15:49:54","slug":"hairy-jacket","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/findingpepe.com\/?p=71","title":{"rendered":"Hairy Jacket"},"content":{"rendered":"

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Alexis is smiling so sweetly while she models this hairy leopard print blouse\/jacket.  Little was she to know that seconds later this garment prickled to life and devoured her, limb by limb, in a symphony of carnage the likes of which humankind hasn’t witnessed since the Gauls vs Romans.  I had little time to mourn the loss of my friend, and, after a brief flirtation with guilt-ridden thoughts that perhaps I shouldn’t have asked Alexis to model this dangerous-looking ensemble in the first place, I decided to hightail it out of Baltimore before the police and Salvation Army started asking questions.  I made a beeline for my car, but only after quickly scanning the display case at the counter for vintage accessories, selecting and purchasing a cute 1950’s mother of pearl cocktail purse (so “now”!)<\/p>\n

As I made my way through a labyrinth of Baltimore brownstones unaided by GPS my subconscious alternated between stylized visions of The Wire<\/em>, and painful flashbacks of that day’s thrifty massacre.  I tried to remember how it all started…<\/p>\n

“Oh my.”  I said, “You need to try on that hairy one?”<\/p>\n

“Which hairy one… this?” Alexis responded, indicating an outdated, but not thoroughly off-base angora sweater.<\/p>\n

“No.  The hairy<\/strong> one.” I emphasized, motioning to the murderous caftan.<\/p>\n

“Ooooh.  The hairy<\/strong> one.”<\/p>\n

And seconds later it was the end.  If only I’d let her try on the angora.  Sigh.<\/p>\n

Disclaimer:  No Alexises were harmed in the writing of this blog post.  I can’t make the same promise about leopards.  Or Omar.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Alexis is smiling so sweetly while she models this hairy leopard print blouse\/jacket.  Little was she to know that seconds later this garment prickled to life and devoured her, limb by limb, in a symphony of carnage the likes of … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[3],"tags":[5,6,7,8,9],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/findingpepe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/71"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/findingpepe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/findingpepe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/findingpepe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/findingpepe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=71"}],"version-history":[{"count":15,"href":"https:\/\/findingpepe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/71\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":240,"href":"https:\/\/findingpepe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/71\/revisions\/240"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/findingpepe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=71"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/findingpepe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=71"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/findingpepe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=71"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}